When Printers Attack!
by Crossword
Summary: When benign devices go maverick, what do you do? What can you do? Hide and cower, or fight them head on? Oneshot


This thing was spawned from a conversation I had with my father and grandmother about automation. So, I ended up with this…

Warnings: None really. Some expressive language, non profane. Violence is just what you would see in a typical EXE episode.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rockman.exe. Capcom does.

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'' Please give me another chance Shademan-sama!'' the pitiful navi wailed. '' I promise that I won't fail you puku!''

Shademan sat on his throne, looking down at the short, pudgy, blue navi that was whimpering at his feet. It had been a simple mission, so simple that a child should've been able to complete it. _Steal a shipment of rare metal that was being unloaded at Densan dock._ A Dimensional Area had been deployed, the navi had materialized… But the Net Police weren't taking any chances. Faced with a hail of gunfire, Bubbleman had panicked and fled, leaving the metal behind in the real world. It was disgraceful. As a Darkloid, he should have been able to have neutralized the humans with ease and completed his mission.

'' And what makes you think that you deserve another chance?'' Shademan asked coolly, stroking his goatee. He had lost track of the number of chances he had given to Bubbleman.

'' I swear on my mainframe that I'll do better!'' Bubbleman pleaded.

The vampire navi sighed inwardly. He wanted this annoying pest out of his sight. Well, that would be easy enough.

'' Fine then, I shall give you one final chance.'' he said. Bubbleman perked up at this. '' There is a file at the Net Police HQ on a project to develop a chip that can combat the Dark Power; a Vaccine Chip.'' Shademan continued.

'' What do I have to do puku?'' Bubbleman asked, looking very eager.

'' I want you to steal it and bring it back here.'' Shademan instructed. '' It's file number is H-927. Either the electronic copy or the real world file will do.''

'' Um, can I have a Darkchip for this mission?'' Bubbleman asked hopefully.

'' After the job is done. You will get one then as a reward.'' Shademan told him.

'' Besides,'' he continued, with a touch of sarcasm. '' your fish and bubbles can handle anything, correct?''

Bubbleman grinned, completely missing the sarcasm.

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Netto Hikari looked dubiously down at the black device before him. '' What is that?''

The device was box shaped and roughly two and a half feet long and a foot tall. There was a narrow slit on the top and a row of blinking lights. On either side were two wheels.

'' Those are automated printers.'' Meijin Eguchi explained. '' We have just finished hooking them up to the Net Police's Headquarters' network.''

'' What's the point?'' Netto asked, bending down to inspect the thing.

'' Well, in the past, only one printer was used for an entire office floor.'' Meijin began to explain. '' Naturally, with so many requests sent to it, it would become overtaxed and could overheat or slow down before it could finish all of the jobs. Now however, an individual printer uses a GPS unit to locate the computer that sent the job, and then it travels off to where the computer is to deliver the print request. It's much more efficient and takes far less time.''

As he spoke, one of the lights on the printer that Netto had been examining turned green. The little device gave a series of beeps and rolled off into the forest of cubicles.

'' But what tells them where to go Meijin-san?'' Netto asked.

Meijin gave a long suffering sigh. '' San wa iranai Netto-kun. The GPS and the motor is connected to the building's automation server. It controls all of the devices in the Net Police HQ. You should know that by now.''

'' Hmph.'' Netto said in response.

'' Netto-kun.''

Netto took out his Advanced PET and flipped the cover open. '' What is it Rockman?''

'' It's time for us to go.'' the blue navi said. '' If we don't get moving soon, Mama might get mad at us.''

'' 'Pose you're right…'' Netto sighed. '' Man, I don't wanna do homework…'' He clipped his PET to his belt. '' San wa Meijin-san!''

'' San wa iranai!'' Meijin shouted back.

Netto ignored him and started for the elevator, nearly tripping over the mobile printer on its return trip.

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In the lobby, Netto spotted someone familiar. '' Hey! Enzan!'' he shouted, running over. Enzan was sitting on a sofa in the waiting section, reading the newspaper.

The white haired boy looked up to see who had accosted him. '' Oh, it's you Hikari.''

'' What'cha doing here?'' Netto asked.

'' I have to be at an IPC/Net Police conference in…'' He checked his watch. '' half an hour. What are you doing here?''

'' I came here to see if they found anything on that Darkchip smuggler that they arrested the other day, but there's nothing yet.''

'' I'm not surprised.'' Enzan said. '' Nebula seems to enjoy toying with us.''

'' Oh, did you see those new printers?'' Netto asked as several rolled across the floor behind him.

'' I did. They remind me of scurrying vermin.'' Enzan replied.

'' Neeetto-kunnn.'' Rockman's voice was heard. '' We need to get moving.''

'' You don't have to nag Rockman.'' Netto protested. It was then that the first printer malfunctioned.

It was slowly trundling across the lobby floor when it suddenly had a strange desire to start spitting its papers out of the paper slit at high speed. It wasn't long before all of the others in the lobby began to do the same thing.

'' What could be the matter with them?'' Netto wondered aloud as employees began to gather around to watch the devices with curiousity.

'' Probably just a virus in their systems.'' Enzan said with no sign of concern. He went back to reading his paper. '' Nothing serious.''

Netto's PET began to beep. He took it out to find that it was Meijin who was calling him. '' Are they malfunctioning up there too Meijin-san?''

'' San wa iranai!'' Meijin shouted. In the background, papers could be seen floating lazily to the ground. '' Yes! I take it that it's happening down there too?''

'' Then it's logical to assume that this is happening all over the building then?'' Enzan replied, still calmly reading his paper.

'' A virus must've gotten into the automation system.''

'' Well, it's not too bad.'' Netto said. '' Shooting papers won't do any harm.''

Unfortunately for him, the printers resorted to new tactics when he said this. Instead of paper, they began to squirt jets of ink as well, forcing the employees watching to scatter. The printers began to fan out, leaving black, red, blue, yellow, and green smears in their wake.

But the havoc had only just begun, as more and more devices began to go berserk. Photocopiers, like their smaller brethren, began to spit out paper, coffee machines poured scalding hot coffee onto the floor, ventilation fans blew at top speed, and elevators refused to move to where they were supposed to, instead settling for trapping their occupants between floors.

'' Crud!'' Netto cried as he almost got a spray of red ink to the chest. '' Meijin-san, where's the automation server!''

'' On your floor!'' Meijin shouted as the papers were blown round him. '' It's in a room behind the reception counter!''

To make matters worse, an alarm began to sound. **WARNING, AN UNAUTHORIZED NET NAVI HAS BROKEN INTO THE FILE ARCHIVES.**

'' I'll take care of that!'' Enzan told Netto, trying not to lose his paper to the strong wind generated by the fans. '' You handle the viruses!''

'' Got it!'' Netto called back. The few remaining employees were hiding behind desks or furniture, and Netto needed their permission to access the server.

'' Excuse me, may I enter the server room?''

'' S-Sure… Go a-ahead!'' the receptionist said, perspiring as he handed Netto a card key.

'' Thanks!'' Netto shouted, using the card to unlock the door to the server room.

'' Alright,'' he said as he faced the machine. '' Plug in, Rockman.exe, transmission!''

Rockman materialized in the server's cyberworld. Just as Enzan had expected, viruses were damaging the mainframe, which was causing all of the devices hooked up to it to go haywire.

'' Enzan was right, there are viruses.'' Rockman told his operator. '' They're all aqua type too. There are Shrimpys, Aqua Swordys, and Piranhas.''

Netto took out a chip. '' Then let's start some virus busting! Spread Gun, slot in!''

Rockman's hand morphed into a ringed buster, and he fired off a shot. The bolt split into smaller shots and sped towards the viruses. Some of them turned, too late, and were deleted by the shots.

Netto followed up with a new chip. '' Big Bomb, slot in!''

A red bomb appeared in Rockman's hand. He threw it away from himself, and a few more viri died in the ensuing explosion.

By now though, the viruses had figured out that they were being attacked. Not wanting to be the only ones getting hurt, the Piranhas shot a stream of harpoons at the blue navi from their mouths.

'' Yikes!'' Rockman cried as the things whizzed by at a frightful speed. At that velocity, they could've passed clear through his head without slowing down in the slightest.

He got to his feet and fired his Rockbuster, succeeding in blowing away a few more, but he had to roll away lest he be sliced in two by an Aqua Swordy.

'' Elec Sword!'' Netto said, slotting in the chip as a counter. Rockman's buster morphed into a yellow sword blade. He parried another strike, and then clove the virus in two.

'' These guys aren't too bad.'' Netto said to himself as he looked for a new chip to send.

Rockman rolled his eyes, for Netto wasn't the one doing the actual fighting.

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The file archives were located on the fifth floor. Since the elevators weren't working, he had to take the stairs. When he reached the fifth floor, he found it to be just as messy as all of the other floors, complete with ink puddles, papers everywhere, and upended chairs and such.

Finding the server, he took out his red PET. '' Plug in, Blues, Transmission!''

Blues materialized in cyberworld. Around him were several data streams for access. There were no police navis, as they had been plugged out when the word had spread that viruses were on the loose.

But there was one navi remaining, a blue, short one, and he was trying to access one of the data streams.

'' You there! Halt!'' Blues shouted, morphing his hand into a red sword. '' Step away from the stream!''

'' Puku? I thought that you would've been distracted by my viruses.'' the navi said, puzzled. '' Bah!''

'' Bubbleman.'' Blues said to himself. '' Listen Darkloid, give up and step away, or I will have to delete you!''

'' Oh shut up!'' Bubbleman shouted defiantly. '' Bubble Parade!''

Thick, large bubbles began to pour out of Bubbleman's helmet. Blues leapt away, all too aware of what would happen if he came into contact with them.

'' Blues,'' Enzan said. '' Don't harm him too much, if we can capture him…''

Blues nodded. '' I understand Enzan-sama.''

He swung his sword. '' Sonic Boom!'' A wave of sonic energy flew out of his blade and pierced the bubbles that were steadily floating towards him. He then leapt over to the pudgy navi and kicked him in the side. Due to his low center of gravity, Bubbleman did not go flying, but was sent sliding instead.

He looked up to see Blues' sword pointed at him. '' Give up, you useless Darkloid.''

'' Call me useless huh!'' Bubbleman said with anger. '' Well, if I can't get the cyber file, I'll get the real world file!''

'' The real world?''

Bubbleman stuck out his tongue, and logged out.

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Rockman cleaved the final virus with the Elec Sword.

'' All done Netto-kun. The system should return to normal in a bit.'' he reported.

'' Great. Plug out.''

As soon as he did so, his PET began to ring. '' Enzan? What is it? Did you stop the navi?''

'' It was Bubbleman.'' Enzan said grimly. '' He's after a computer file of some kind. He said he's going to get it in the real world.''

To punctuate this statement, a crash could be heard outside of the building, and then the surfaces became discolored.

'' A Dimensional Area.'' Netto stated. '' Hurry!'' Enzan shouted urgently. '' The file archive, the real world one, is in the basement!''

'' I got it covered!''

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'' Now what file was it?'' Bubbleman grumbled. There had to be dozens of file selves down here! How was he going to find the one he needed? '' Oh what was it?'' he grumbled. '' F? J? Q? How am I supposed to remember everything!''

And then, a familiar, annoying voice. '' There you are! Give up!'' Netto, cross fused, was standing at the base of the stairs that led down to this floor. He was pointing his buster straight at him too.

'' Not you!'' Bubbleman wailed.

'' Yeah, it's me!'' Netto taunted. '' Sorry to burst your bubble, Bubbleman, but whatever you're trying to steal, I won't let you!''

Rockman winced. '' Could you possibly come up with something worse?''

'' Sorry.'' Netto apologized. '' I'm under pressure here!''

Bubbleman summoned his harpoon gun. '' Take this puku!''

Netto barely managed to dodge this attack, and the razor sharp points buried themselves in the wall behind him.

'' Careful!'' Rockman said. '' Because of the enclosed space, we might have some trouble avoiding getting hit!''

'' I know, we'll just have to finish this quickly. Shotgun!''

He fired a blast from his buster, forcing Bubbleman to dive to the floor to avoid it.

'' Ah! I remember!'' he suddenly said. '' It's no. H- 927!''

'' What are you talking about?''

'' Heh heh. I don't need to defeat you, I just need to take the file to complete my mission!''

He ran down to the end of the self and took a right, with Netto chasing him. But he was not in time.

'' I got it!'' Bubbleman said triumphantly, holding a file from shelf H over his head. '' Now to take care of you! Shademan-sama will be so pleased puku!''

There was no way he could miss in the enclosed space, and Netto hadn't inserted any defensive chips. There was no way to save himself.

'' Barrier!''

Enzan, also crossfused, dropped down from above and landed in front of Netto, surrounded by the effects of the barrier battlechip. The harpoons bounced harmlessly off of it.

'' Enzan!'' Netto exclaimed happily.

'' You've gotten sloppy Hikari.'' Enzan said. '' To almost be killed by a lowlife such as this…''

Before Bubbleman could react to this new interloper, the arm that had been holding the file had been sliced off. He gulped. '' That's not going to be easy to repair…''

He adopted a more defiant stance. '' I let you off easy, hear? Otherwise I would've destroyed you! Puku!'' He logged out, leaving the file behind.

'' Alright!'' Netto said as he de fused. '' We fought him off, and the file was recovered!''

'' You do need to be more careful though…'' Rockman sighed.

'' I agree.'' Enzan said, also de fusing. '' If I hadn't gotten there…''

'' Oh stuff it.'' Netto grumbled as his PET began to ring. '' Meijin-san! Has everything stopped?''

Meijin looked terrible. Ink was splattered on his jacket and face, his glasses were askew, and his hair was a fright. '' San wa iranai Netto-kun. Yes, the malfunctions have ceased. Is everything fine down there?''

'' Uh huh. We stopped the Darkloid from stealing the file.''

'' Good.'' Meijin said. '' I think that I'm going to ask Hikari-hakase to reinforce the network security, and install more… conventional printers.''

Both Enzan and Netto agreed on this. '' That would be a good idea…''

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I thought that this could've been executed better, but oh well. I guess I've learnt that inspiration can come from very unlikely sources.


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